Sometimes I forget I have Lupus. I have myself to thank for that. I've always worked hard at hiding when I don't feel good and try to act like I can do anything anyone else can do. I take my medications daily acting like it's just part of my daily routine like brushing teeth, combing hair: not taking medicine that keeps me alive and functioning. I see my rheumatologist regularly, then brush it off as a normal routine doctor visit. When I don't feel good I assume it to be normal don't feel good stuff, I never assume it to be Lupus related or Lupus complicated, because why would I? That would be counter productive to my denial. Then of course out of nowhere, completely unexpected (I've been dreading this day for years now) BOOM! I need a knee replacement because of the side effects from the medicine I've been taking to treat my Lupus for many many years now.
Truth is I'm actually doing pretty damn good. I do have SLE Lupus, which is the worst type of Lupus. My kidneys are shit, my joints are trash, my skin is full of stretch marks from kidney flares, I've missed out on a lot of things in life I wanted but couldn't do/become thanks to the Lupus. But when I take a minute to stop feeling sorry for myself, take a step back and look at others who also have Lupus I feel grateful for the life I was able to have, the experiences I did get, the the good health I do have. Because I know full well it could always be worse, a whole lot fucking worse.
Since the beginning of April, right after we moved my left knee has been hurting me a lot more than normal. So much sometimes that there was nothing I could do to stop the pain. So I finally went in to the doctor who ordered a MRI and concluded what I already knew, it is time for another total knee replacement. The news wasn't a shock but it sure wasn't what I wanted to hear. It's just not a good time for it really. The store still isn't profiting, Bridget isn't working yet, and my unemployment has ended. Oh and I don't have any sort of medical insurance set up out here, or anywhere really. It's a good price to be honest. Only 150,000 pesos, which is roughly $8,700 USD. But considering the lack of income its horrible timing. Unless I do it the good ol fashion American way by just throwing a credit card at it and worry about paying it back later. I haven't been that irresponsible since my 20's, but I might! lol
I'd like to continue to put it off, but really my US doctors had been saying this knee is ready to replace since I had the other knee replaced 6 years ago. Plus its low season right now, so it really is the best time to close the store for a few weeks, and since I'd be paying for this privately I can pretty much get it done right away, no waiting on insurance. As a Mexican citizen I am entitled to free healthcare, but for big surgeries like this I am required to wait a year. Plus I haven't even got enrolled in the community healthcare out here yet, so really it's a year wait from when I get my shit together. So I guess the only question now is will that be cash or credit? - Nolan
Add comment
Comments