I lost my Aunt Eva last week. As a kid I remember spending summers in Pomona with her, Uncle Ted, Joe, Jeff, and Julie. I remember my aunt spoiling me because she didn’t have grandkids yet, so I was the one she referred to as “the baby.” Everytime I’d go somewhere with my cousins I remember Aunt Eva telling them “be careful with the baby,” "watch the baby,” I loved it because I was the baby and they’d be in big trouble if anything happened to me lol. 

How lucky am I to have had this sweet pup in my life for 13 incredible years! Bolt has been with me through so many milestones in my life, through losses and gains, through celebrations and recoveries. So it only felt right that this year, since we had the space and were able to do so, that we honor this sweet fluffin soul with a birthday party to celebrate him. 

Being a Mexican American, who is now a Mexican Citizen I want to learn about my culture. I want to learn the traditions. I want to learn about the things that make my people who they are, for example delicious food, loud music, celebrating all night, and of course futbol! I already knew Mexicans love futbol, so with the World Cup happening this year I was excited to watch some games and hopefully learn a lil bit about futbol. What I didn’t expect was the excitement of the entire country for the game. About a month before the games even started green jerseys started showing up everywhere. Every day I would see at least 2-3 people wearing Mexico jerseys around town, and as the games started I just started seeing it everywhere. So naturally we also got caught up in this wide spread futbol fever! 

Bolty is pushing 13 and other than slowing down with age has been doing very well. Recently we noticed he has been walking a lil different and assumed it was his hips since that happens with large dogs when they get older. Our vet sent us for x-rays (which were only 35 USD) so he could see where the exact problem was and what needed to be treated. To everyone's surprise his hips are actually in great condition and it's his spine that is causing him pain. Several areas of his lower spine have fused together and become painful for him. Dr Rhoy has recommended a monthly pain shot for Bolt that we will start next month and for now he will be taking pain pills. It breaks my heart to know my best friend is in pain like this, but I'm glad we are able to offer him something to help relieve it. I wish we could fix it but surgery is not an option for him at his age. Bolt has always been there for me. I'm gonna do my best to be there for him now. Whatever you need buddy, I got you. - Nolan

So I'm pretty sure I got discriminated against today. I was applying to get my Mexican passport and my application was rejected. I hired an immigration lawyer ahead of time to help me, so I could be sure I was doing it all correctly. So I know I had everything required. They said I needed an additional document, and that I needed to say phrases in Spanish that they didn't think I could say. Yes, her exact words were "you need to say phrases that I don't think you can say." They never even told me what the phrases were, I didn't even get to try, they just rejected my application. I've got my lawyer back on it to figure out what went wrong. I didn't even need to say phrases in Spanish to get my Mexican citizenship, so it just doesn't make sense. It's really tough being a No Sabo Mexican American in Mexico sometimes. They see that I'm brown and expect more from me. The lesson here is to be kind to people struggling with language. And lesson 2 is I need to work harder at learning Spanish. Anyhoo it was a disappointing day to say the least. - Nolan

I was given a $500 USD grant from Drop Dead Generous to spread small moments of unexpected kindness across the city. I shared this on Facebook and asked my friends to double it, and they did. My plan is simple: wherever I go, I want to surprise people by covering the cost of what they’re buying. That could mean paying for someone’s groceries, bus fare, coffee for everyone in a café, a round of beers for strangers, buying all the mangos from a beach vendor, and more. Easy right? Yeah I thought so too. But my lack of fluency and desire to help, not treat, is making this what was meant to be a fun kindness experiment not fun at all. So far I've covered a round of drinks, covered 10 entry fees for women to go dancing at the club, gave a few big tips to music artists, and a  grocery bagger, gave money to a lady walking through traffic asking for donations for her son's hospital bills, and donated money to cover a chemo therapy treatment for a sick dog. And with that being said we have arrived at my internal struggle. How can I be throwing money around for beers, and treats when there are people in need, serious need?Puerto Vallarta is very much a tourist town / expat destination. There is a lot of money to be made here off the people who aren't from here. But not everyone is in a place to make that money, and wages don't stretch as far here as they do in the US. To put it simply this is a place of the haves and have nots. You will see beautiful homes and condos here, owned by people with equally awesome cars. But you will also find homes without proper plumbing, dirt floors, no ac, and no screens on the windows here. The haves and have nots. When I asked for this grant my proposal was that I'd use the money to treat the people of Puerto Vallarta. I submitted my request shortly after the situation with the cartel lighting the city on fire and wanted to do this a just a lil something special for the people. But here I am in the middle of it, I see so much need around me, and suddenly buying beers and mangos seems like a misuse of the money. Even though the money was granted to me for just that, it feels like wrong to be treating people when others are struggling and those few pesos for a beer would really help them a lot just to get by. Drop Dead Generous has a WhatsApp group with the founders for grantees to chat about their projects and how things are going. I think I'll take this to the group and get their thoughts. Because I still have about half the money, I feel like I'm using it sparingly out of guilt. I'd love to just finish it up and be done with this. This was suppose to be fun, instead I'm living with the weight of it. - Nolan

Sometimes I forget I have Lupus. I have myself to thank for that. I've always worked hard at hiding when I don't feel good and try to act like I can do anything anyone else can do. I take my medications daily acting like it's just part of my daily routine like brushing teeth, combing hair: not taking medicine that keeps me alive and functioning. I see my rheumatologist regularly, then brush it off as a normal routine doctor visit. When I don't feel good I assume it to be normal don't feel good stuff, I never assume it to be Lupus related or Lupus complicated, because why would I? That would be counter productive to my denial. Then of course out of nowhere, completely unexpected (I've been dreading this day for years now) BOOM! I need a knee replacement because of the side effects from the medicine I've been taking to treat my Lupus for many many years now. Truth is I'm actually doing pretty damn good. I do have SLE Lupus, which is the worst type of Lupus. My kidneys are shit, my joints are trash, my skin is full of stretch marks from kidney flares, I've missed out on a lot of things in life I wanted but couldn't do/become thanks to the Lupus. But when I take a minute to stop feeling sorry for myself, take a step back and look at others who also have Lupus I feel grateful for the life I was able to have, the experiences I did get, the the good health I do have. Because I know full well it could always be worse, a whole lot fucking worse. Since the beginning of April, right after we moved my left knee has been hurting me a lot more than normal. So much sometimes that there was nothing I could do to stop the pain. So I finally went in to the doctor who ordered a MRI and concluded what I already knew, it is time for another total knee replacement. The news wasn't a shock but it sure wasn't what I wanted to hear. It's just not a good time for it really. The store still isn't profiting, Bridget isn't working yet, and my unemployment has ended. Oh and I don't have any sort of medical insurance set up out here, or anywhere really. It's a good price to be honest. Only 150,000 pesos, which is roughly  $8,700 USD. But considering the lack of income its horrible timing. Unless I do it the good ol fashion American way by just throwing a credit card at it and worry about paying it back later. I haven't been that irresponsible since my 20's, but I might! lolI'd like to continue to put it off, but really my US doctors had been saying this knee is ready to replace since I had the other knee replaced 6 years ago. Plus its low season right now, so it really is the best time to close the store for a few weeks, and since I'd be paying for this privately I can pretty much get it done right away, no waiting on insurance. As a Mexican citizen I am entitled to free healthcare, but for big surgeries like this I am required to wait a year. Plus I haven't even got enrolled in the community healthcare out here yet, so really it's a year wait from when I get my shit together. So I guess the only question now is will that be cash or credit? - Nolan

In classic Nolan style I randomly decided one day I wanted to find out what a Michelada tasted like. I've never wanted to try one because I thought it was a super spicy drink. But I've been thinking about adding a more traditional Mexican style drink to the menu so I wanted to try one so I could get a feel for the flavors. Oooommmmgggg Michelada where have you been all my life? I'm not sure what I was expecting really. But what I wasn't expecting was just how smooth and not beer-y it was. It's like the beer calmed the Clamato, and the Clamato calmed the beer. Plus flavor, just strong but not spicy delicious flavors. I've yet to have my second Michelada, but I think of it often lol. At least I'm in Mexico where they are easy to find. - Nolan

Seems time is flying and we both just keep forgetting to update the blog. So here is a quick update on the store. What we thought was a brilliant idea, renting beach chairs, umbrellas, coolers, stuff like that turned out to not be such a great idea after all. Business was devastatingly slow. And with Playa Listo being our only job we decided it was time to change things up or we simply cannot survive out there. So after kicking around dozens of ideas that all seemed great until we ran the numbers or really thought them through we finally landed on turning the back half of the store into a dirty soda shop, consolidating our beach rental stuff, and turning the front half of the store into a game room. So here we are 2 weeks into the soda shop being open and although business is still slow and have yet to turn a profit, we have definitely turned things around. We are seeing more customers come into the store, more people stopping in while walking by to ask what we are, and more overall social media engagement. We’ve got a ways to go still but I’m hopeful that this is the change we needed. And if I’m being honest my hopes and dreams for the store is for this one to be successful and for us to open more dirty soda shops/game rooms in tourist areas, including one in the US. It might seem crazy but I’m a dreamer. And if there is one thing that holds true in my life is that my dreams often do come true, so why not this one? - Nolan

We've lived here just a lil over a year and this is now our third home that we've lived in. Moving to El Nogalito was pretty much an impulse move, it was so beautiful, and so different than anything we'd had before, plus it was a fenced space for Bolt to roam around, so we jumped on it. Who doesn't wanna live in the jungle right? Me. The answer is me lol. I do not wanna live in the freakin jungle, well not anymore I don't. It was beautiful, it was peaceful, it was disconnected from the city. But it was also out of range for any type of delivery, full of creatures (a good and bad thing), when the power went out you're just screwed if you don't have a car, no cell service, and of course the number one reason we left it was unsafe. Now don't get me wrong it is not unsafe in general. The home we were living in became unsafe shortly after we got there. The owners are two guys from the United States, well one was actually born in Mexico but you wouldn't know it by his ignorance to Mexico and local life here. They have a dog, Dakota who is part wolf, part husky. She lives in the US part time, since the guys go back and forth a lot. We first met Dakota a few months after moving in. Upon meeting Bolt she attacked him. He did nothing to her, they were both just sniffing each other like normal dogs, then all of the sudden she attacked. Bolt is 12 and we are lucky he survived it. The owners never apologized. To be fair they did ask if Bolt was ok, but never showed remorse. They then started tying her up on their patio, but Dakota was always getting lose and they never bothered to ensure she couldn't get loose. So taking Bolt out to potty became a challenging situation. But we were dealing with it. Then it became a lot of texting and asking to tie Dakota up so Bolt can go out. That didn't last long until they just flat out started ignoring our text. Then one day the coast seemed clear so we were outside with Bolt so he could do his business when Dakota was loose and spotted us. She was quickly coming down the stairs and headed right for us. I told Bridget to get Bolt inside and I was calling Dakota to me since I knew she liked people. She stopped for a moment to get pet but then was off, still in a hurry to get to Bolt. I managed to grab ahold of her collar just in time as she let out a growl and lunged for Bolt. Bridget was still getting Bolt back into the house at this point and I was holding on to Dakota like my life depended on it, because it pretty much did. If she would have attacked Bolt this time her owner would not have been there to call her off like before and I'd have to get in there to try and save him. It would have been bad. Luckily I was able to hold on to her while Bridget and Bolt went inside. Then I waited for the door to be clear and got myself inside too. Now for the trippy part. I didn't realize it at the time, but when all that was taking place I had jumped out of my body. As I was sitting inside thinking about what had just happened my visual memories of holding Dakota by the collar and her trying to lung at Bolt were all from the front. I was holding her from behind. I have a clear memory of seeing myself holding her back. How is it my memory is of watching myself holding her? Because I was so scared I jumped out of my body. Talking with a friend later about it she said that I am Mexican, and Mexico is a deeply spiritual place. And that it was likely my ancestors that held me there, and held on to Dakota for me. That explanation makes a lot of sense to me, because what I do know is I watched it happen to me, so I had unseen help for sure. I also really like the thought that I am living in the land where my ancestors are from and that they are watching over me and here to help me. It's a trip to think about, but also a very comforting thought to live with. - Nolan

The last few days were strange.

There are moments that look small on paper but feel enormous in your chest.This was one of those: